Oh man! If it's not one thing, it's another. I don't know about you guys, but I for one am sick of all this end of the world shit! Bring it bitches! I am so far past being scared. Sure, you might have got me with the Y2k shit...and then with the Bird Flu, and perhaps even SARS. But Swine Flu? Are you shitting me? Swine Flu? Give me a fuckin' break! You go from Anna Nicole Smith every ten seconds to life as we know it is gonna change due to Swine Flu? Is that what we've come to? Living in fear from falling planes and bearded men in turbans? Fear of people hiding explosives in the Nikes. Fear of a black dude running the country? Fear of fluoridation in the water supply? Fear of someone stealing your kidney and leaving you in a hotel bathtub filled with ice. Fear of the tattooed guy behind you in line at McDonalds. Fear of Cancer, Aids, secondhand smoke and even speaking your opinion without being viewed as a racist! Fear of your footprints dwindling on Xanga. Fuck! I'm sick of all this panic shit! Where are your bolas people? Moving on...

So, a lot has happened since I last updated. I still check on Xanga everyday...and I swear I don't understand how I still have daily footprints from loyal subscribers. I guess I do understand...I still check on Emptyspiral's site ever so often and Tony hasn't written shit in years! So I want to apologize for being a lazy bastard and also for not being too social. Now that we have that out of the way, let me get on with my rigmarole...

Fuck. Though I think we've made some progress in this country in a relatively short time, I feel like we have a long way to go before we can truly see each other as God intended.  Are we really all that different? I suppose it's sometimes hard to look past our appearance, especially when one has a gruff exterior and may not look so kissable. But can't we even try? I'm a patient man. I can take a lot. I can deal with stares and even gawking at times, where in the past a slight look in my direction might get you bitch slapped. But it gets old sometimes. Yesterday for example, I went to the gym after work. I swam a few laps and then decided to go to the steam room before showering. When I opened the door I could hear loud conversations going on and a jovial atmosphere. When I came in there was immediate silence. I sat in the only available spot in the far corner. One by one people started to leave and within a minute...no shit, I was left by myself. Not a single word was uttered other than by me when I first came in and introduced myself with, "Good morning."

I suppose I can pretend that I'm indifferent and that stuff like that doesn't bother me. But the truth is, it does. It hurts me. It hurts because I've done so much to change myself into a person my children can be proud of. I earn an honest living and live a good life. Why isn't that enough?

I've been in prison where cowards hide behind muscles and tattoos. You know what? That doesn't mean a motherfuckin' thing! They're the first ones that got taxed and pimped by people who see through the facade. When my children look at me, they see nothing but the love I have for them. Even when I'm shirtless, they don't stare at me. I'm just daddy. And I love them for it.

People sometimes argue about the existence of a creator, a loving heavenly father, while others scoff at the very idea . There are good arguments on both sides. For me though, having the belief that a person who only sees the hearts of men is looking out for me... is enough for me to take a chance on believing. I guess we shall see who was right soon enough.

It was good talking to you.