February 24, 2009

• Get Over It, Miguel!

  

  This post may offend you...be warned! This is your chance to click the return or back button and go read something warm and fuzzy. Still here? Okay, then....remember I warned you!

  So I got pulled over the other day. First time in many, many years. First, let me be really clear, I ALWAYS obey ALL traffic laws. I ALWAYS have everything in order, license, registration, insurance...everything. The reason I don't speed or drive reckless, or even ignore stop signs at the dead of night on deserted back roads (with nobody around to see me) is for one reason...and ONE reason only...I don't ever want to get pulled over. The reason for this may surprise you, but I swear to Jesus it's true....I HATE COPS!!!!!!!!!!! Now I know that there's a lot of people who say that, but they simply mean that they dislike being bothered, hassled or intruded upon by the police. When I say it, I mean exactly that...HATE. Hate is a strong word, I realize that. But that's exactly what I mean. Like- if I happened to see a policeman lying on the street, barely clinging on to life, in desperate need of help, I'd just as soon piss on him then to give him a hand. You know? That kind of hate. Now, I know that some may find this extremely sick or twisted..and may never view me the same, but I won't lie to you...this is how I truly feel. Right or wrong, I can't help it.

  So anyway, I was waiting to make a left hand turn the other night and a cop passed me. I looked in the rear view mirror and saw that he did a U-turn and was speeding towards me. For a second, I thought to hit the gas...but quickly realized that I hadn't done anything. So I made my turn and pulled over. I turned the engine off, turned on the inside light, cracked the window, and placed my hands on the steering wheel (in plain sight) so that the uniformed swine didn't feel the need to come up to the window with weapon in hand. He already had the lights on as he stopped behind me...like I knew he would. He came up to the car and introduced himself with, "Do you know why I pulled you over?"

  "You didn't pull me over, I stopped and parked on my own." (said in a calm voice while looking straight ahead)

  "Yeah, okay...but do you know why I'm pulling you over?"

  "Look, man...I'm not playing this game with you. If you have something to tell me, just get on with it."

  "Licence, registration and proof of insurance."

  "My registration and insurance papers are in this visor above me but my license is in my wallet and that's in my left hand front pocket, I'm reaching for that now."

  "You seem to have a lot of experience in this, have you been pulled over a lot."

  Silence.

  "Do you have a criminal record, or are you on probation?"

  Silence. I handed him everything he asked for...still not turning my head in the slightest.

  "I'll be back."

  Twenty minutes passed. During this time, I thought about all of the cops I've dealt with in my lifetime. I was gripping that steering wheel so tight that I'm surprised I didn't damage it. I was shaking in anger and trying to suppress the feelings I had. I wanted to wait until he came back to my car and then take his life.  The more time passed, the more I wanted to turn my thoughts into action. I actually prayed and begged God to take those feelings out of my heart. Just then...

  "Okay, Mr. Xcholo (he actually called me by my last name), it seems everything is in order. The reason I pulled you over was because your front right headlight is out. This is a fix-it ticket. Wait four days but no more than fifteen and take it to ***** st. Show an officer that you got this fixed and that's all you'll need to do. Have a good night."

  And that was it. The funny thing is, he'll never know anything about that night. He will place it in his forgotten memories folder, along with the thousands of other uneventful traffic stops he's no doubt had. Me on the other hand, I have it placed in my lucky bastard file...or perhaps the God is great file.

  That's all. I had to vent.

  • 12:43 am
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