Well, the last post got me several new subscriptions and a lot of messages...but I also think it rubbed a lot of people the wrong way. There's always the chance of hurt feelings and resentment when a person like myself chooses to generalize the way I do. But hell, really...who the fuck am I? Why do you care what I think anyway? It's just an opinion. An opinion formed by life experiences and situations I was placed in. You might feel the same if you endured it. Maybe. It's easy to frown upon my opinion  from a distance. Easy to scoff, laugh, or gauge what I say based on your personal moral ideology...and that's okay. Go for it. All I'm saying is that perhaps it's wise to reserve judgement and try to see things from another's perspective. Maybe you don't know as much as you think. Maybe. Or maybe not. Regardless of what you may or may not think, I have formed my opinion on that particular matter, and it's not likely to change. I have my reasons.

We are funny creatures, don't you think? Very few of us are just one thing...or just one way. We all have different sides to us. Sometimes, we never reveal this to the outside world. Our crazy little idiosyncrasies that make us who we are. I personally think it's hard to label someone as this or that. I believe that we all have greatness and we all have wickedness. If we are truly children of God, then we have the genetic capability of being like God, having the means of attaining greatness...such as a horse bred from a champion blood line has a chance of becoming great himself. Is that heresy? Isn't that what nature itself teaches us? Maybe. At the same time,  we are human, we have weakness. We also have the capability of producing some of the most vile, hateful and sadistic actions, as we can plainly see by watching the evening news. The choices we make slowly mold us into what we eventually become. But that is a choice. I look at my own life in comparison to my brother. We both went through the same experiences, struggles, and circumstances...yet the path he chose was infinitely different than the one I did. So can I really blame anyone but myself for my choices? No.

But sometimes in life, the choices we make are permanent. Some mistakes we make can never be corrected. And let me tell you, some of us carry a heavy burden. Some of us find it difficult to sleep or even look in the mirror. Some of us just pray that our children won't pay the penalty for the sins we committed before they were even born. And yet, being human, there is still the inner turmoil and the spark of rebelion that makes us shake our fist towards the heavens and blame our creator for our life circumstances. It's folly. But that's life. I hear ya, Tupac...I hear ya ==>

"God forgive me 'cause it's wrong, but I plan to die. You need to take me into heaven and understand I was a G. Did the best that I could, raised in insanity. Or send me to hell, 'cause I ain't beggin' for my life, ain't nothing worse than this cursed ass, hopeless life!"

So in closing, all I'm really saying is that perhaps you'll never know unless you've been there. Perhaps.

~Miguel

This post may offend you...be warned! This is your chance to click the return or back button and go read something warm and fuzzy. Still here? Okay, then....remember I warned you!

So I got pulled over the other day. First time in many, many years. First, let me be really clear, I ALWAYS obey ALL traffic laws. I ALWAYS have everything in order, license, registration, insurance...everything. The reason I don't speed or drive reckless, or even ignore stop signs at the dead of night on deserted back roads (with nobody around to see me) is for one reason...and ONE reason only...I don't ever want to get pulled over. The reason for this may surprise you, but I swear to Jesus it's true....I HATE COPS!!!!!!!!!!! Now I know that there's a lot of people who say that, but they simply mean that they dislike being bothered, hassled or intruded upon by the police. When I say it, I mean exactly that...HATE. Hate is a strong word, I realize that. But that's exactly what I mean. Like- if I happened to see a policeman lying on the street, barely clinging on to life, in desperate need of help, I'd just as soon piss on him then to give him a hand. You know? That kind of hate. Now, I know that some may find this extremely sick or twisted..and may never view me the same, but I won't lie to you...this is how I truly feel. Right or wrong, I can't help it.

So anyway, I was waiting to make a left hand turn the other night and a cop passed me. I looked in the rear view mirror and saw that he did a U-turn and was speeding towards me. For a second, I thought to hit the gas...but quickly realized that I hadn't done anything. So I made my turn and pulled over. I turned the engine off, turned on the inside light, cracked the window, and placed my hands on the steering wheel (in plain sight) so that the uniformed swine didn't feel the need to come up to the window with weapon in hand. He already had the lights on as he stopped behind me...like I knew he would. He came up to the car and introduced himself with, "Do you know why I pulled you over?"

"You didn't pull me over, I stopped and parked on my own." (said in a calm voice while looking straight ahead)

"Yeah, okay...but do you know why I'm pulling you over?"

"Look, man...I'm not playing this game with you. If you have something to tell me, just get on with it."

"Licence, registration and proof of insurance."

"My registration and insurance papers are in this visor above me but my license is in my wallet and that's in my left hand front pocket, I'm reaching for that now."

"You seem to have a lot of experience in this, have you been pulled over a lot."

Silence.

"Do you have a criminal record, or are you on probation?"

Silence. I handed him everything he asked for...still not turning my head in the slightest.

"I'll be back."

Twenty minutes passed. During this time, I thought about all of the cops I've dealt with in my lifetime. I was gripping that steering wheel so tight that I'm surprised I didn't damage it. I was shaking in anger and trying to suppress the feelings I had. I wanted to wait until he came back to my car and then take his life.  The more time passed, the more I wanted to turn my thoughts into action. I actually prayed and begged God to take those feelings out of my heart. Just then...

"Okay, Mr. Xcholo (he actually called me by my last name), it seems everything is in order. The reason I pulled you over was because your front right headlight is out. This is a fix-it ticket. Wait four days but no more than fifteen and take it to ***** st. Show an officer that you got this fixed and that's all you'll need to do. Have a good night."

And that was it. The funny thing is, he'll never know anything about that night. He will place it in his forgotten memories folder, along with the thousands of other uneventful traffic stops he's no doubt had. Me on the other hand, I have it placed in my lucky bastard file...or perhaps the God is great file.

That's all. I had to vent.

"Nadie tiene mayor amor que este, que uno ponga su vida por sus amigos." ~Jesucristo

I don't have the words. You know? Sometimes it's best to leave things unsaid.

More later...I'm tired. ZZZZzzzzzzz