I know that I don't update so much anymore, and yes, I feel like I let you guys down sometimes. But you know what? I do this for free to distract me from my everyday grind. If I did this for a living ($$$), I'd update as much as Dan from Theoscafe.

Okay, maybe not that often, but you get what I'm saying. Moving on....

It's no secret that I believe in UFO's. I've posted a few times about it. I even posted about abductions and how it may have happened to me (and yes, I was kidding). If you've been a loyal follower of my blog, you'd know that I have a lot of theories on a lot of subjects...and I'm here to tell you that I believe I finally solved the whole waking up to aliens in the bedroom thing. That's right. You heard me right. I know why it is that all these descriptions are so similar...

                                                                  Right?

Well, there is a reason why this is becoming more and more common =====>

Boo ya! I rest my case. It's all about wishful thinking, and an overactive imagination. But here's more proof ==>

Any questions???

I have a story for you guys. So, about a week ago I was texting a friend, back and forth. I have a qwerty keypad on my phone, so I type fairly fast...too fast it seems. I don't know what it's called, but there's some sort of assist option on my phone that guesses what I'm going to type. I know that some of you know what I'm talking about. Anyway, it actually remembers words that you type and also fills words in anticipation. ie- if I start to type Re then the word Remember comes up, and I could just hit a button and the word REMEMBER is automatically typed without actually having typed the whole word out. Anyway, I type in Spanish quite a bit and sometimes that option is a real pain because it guesses everything wrong. Sometimes I don't notice. Long story short...I sent a friend a text that was supposed to say "Con tu hija." (With your daughter) But what I actually sent out was "Come to hijack." Anyway, now (a week later) it seems my phone is being hacked/monitored somehow. I work nights and I have my phone in front of me. I see it light up for a sec without being touched. I'm thinking someone is probably listening in. Hmm...well to the fellas down in the FBI, I hope you pack a lot of NO DOZ or PRO PLUS because my life these days is rather boring. I was actually thinking I was paranoid or just plain ridiculous until I saw THIS today.

SO, if you don't see my footprints on your Xangas for the next few years, I'm probably being tortured in a dark, damp, basement in a remote location by black-budget, non existent members of our government. Please tell them that they're about 15 years too late and that I'm a family man now. You'll vouch for me won't you???

No, you're not seeing an optical illusion or experiencing a Vietnam flashback...it's a real post. So why the big breaks in between posts, you ask? Well, between a job that is driving me crazy and a marriage devoid of any coital bliss, I have little to inspire creative thoughts. Well, that's not true. I do play out creative ways to kill my boss in my head all day. He seriously doesn't know how close he's come to feeling a sharpened number 2 pencil lodged in his anal cavity or worse. But no, he isn't worth the jail time. Moving on.

I believe it was Peter Sinclair (sp?) that said that depression loses its power when fresh vision pierces the darkness. I found that to be true. In fact, the old me would find my current pussness (yes, that's a word) laughable. I have no real problems. Nothing that Jill (or Manuela for my Spanish brothers and sisters) and a beatdown couldn't fix. Moving on. I suppose that I have to give Paige credit for this post. She told me to get off my lazy rump and write something.

I wonder how much longer gas prices will remain affordable? For a while there, I was seriously considering riding a scooter to work. Okay, maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration, but you feel me, right? I keep reading that this drop in price is due to less of a demand for gasoline in this quickly deteriorating economy. I don't know if I believe that. What I do know is that I never let my tank go below 3/4 full, just in case prices increase by 5 bucks a gallon overnight.

Speaking of which, I was reading an article the other day about how all that madness at the pump was a direct result of my people from Mexico...or "crapheads" as the article's author chooses to call us. Haven't we been blamed for enough things already? I mean, shit! Sometimes I wish that Alien Greys started coming here in their UFOs illegally. Then maybe we could start to blame them pale, doe-eyed, cow mutilating, no genital having bastards for everything! I'm just saying.

*****EDIT~ My bad. I thought that everybody knew what Jill was in reference to: