March 27, 2008
-
You Should Be Thankful For That Imagination!
It's not often that I post about arguments or fights that I get into with my S.O.. Truth be told, she reads my blog, and I suppress a lot of damn funny stuff for her sake....or rather, for my sake...so I don't miss out on the late night mambo that she graciously rations out on occasion...like if the stars are aligned just right, and or Saturn's moons are...nevermind, let me stop right there. But there are some things that need to be said. And though this may cost me many a lonely night for the next few weeks, I have to say it.
Besides, there's always alternatives. 
Okay, I admit. Men are naturally dirty minded. We take the most innocent of things and turn them into porn in our minds. Hey, guilty as charged. But you want to know what? That imagination can be your friend as well. You women can use it to your advantage. And in fact, you do...probably without even realizing it. Let me qualify what I'm saying:
Gross. I know. But I have a point. Now, regardless of how many men out there deny this, or swear on the Bible that it isn't the case, it is. Every man who has witnessed the miracle of childbirth, has had this thought enter his mind, "Holy shit! This kid has just ruined her [enter any term for vagina here] forever!"
Now, even though we have just witnessed your vaginal opening withstand an 8 lbs, 3oz monstrosity coming out a few months back...we still think that we can hurt you in bed. We give it every effort. Now, as if that wasn't enough, we can also pretend that it still feels the same. I'll bet that almost all of you women have asked their man if they could tell the difference, to which we reply, "No, dear...it's better than ever." Imagination. Plain and simple.
Now, not to talk shit...because I know how hard a thing it is to carry a baby for 9 months and also how horrific it is to see you go through childbirth...but the fact is that it is a rare woman who can get back to her original factory condition. Let's face it...you normally add on a few pounds. Especially after a few kids.
Again, our imagination is your best friend. For every man knows that beauty is only a lightswitch away...
And the reason we can still perform is, because in the dark, our imagination can stretch even further. And though it may shock you...it's not you that we're with! Take that!
Thoughts?
Comments (51)
FIRST AGAIN?!
Okay, now I have to go back and read the post, lol.
OMG, Miguel...you may never get it again after admitting that!
Sometimes there is such a thing as too much honesty. Heh.
^^^You may be right.
@CynaraJane -
I have to agree here. You may have just shot yourself in the foot! Doh! Sidenote: guys tend to gain weight along with their partner.....and loose their butts, hence the saggy pants!
wow
A guys imagination is a powerful thing.
This may be tmi, but I've popped out two kids, and it still feels like I'm losing my virginity sometimes. Andy loves it because he can have all sorts of wild fantasies about that, and forget that I've been with other men than him. And besides all of that hair, I think that watching a child being born is beautiful!
Ouch.
pardon me for a moment while i vomit in the corner.
men are such pigs...most of the time. this is exactly why i'm going to bat for the other team.
Ha! I absolutely LOVE THIS POST, Miguel!
Are you surprised that I do? I'll bet that you aren't. Hehe! I like to discuss sex..... Let me be honest, as well. All of us woman are doing the same damn thing. Once you are with us for a few years, you men tend to pack on a few pounds as well, and honestly that disgusts me.I weigh the same weight as I did in highschool; I try to take very good care of myself and I don't feel that I am given the same respect by Jay. It's like.....okay....now we've been tigether for a few years so I (HE) can let myself go completely and gain 15 pounds. Yuck. I am NEVER having sex with Jay....even the limitted times that we do actually have sex (it's opposite in my house.....HE is the one who needs all the stars aligned and such to be willing to perform), in my head.....it is NEVER him. Turn the damn lights off PLEASE!
Morning sex? Darnit.....have to close my eyes....real tight.
Ohh...one more thing. What about c-sections for child birthing? Still ruined when the baby passes not through the body? I myself could NEVER picture passing a child through my --insert word for vagina here
...PUSSY!--either, and I never would. That must hurt.
i have to agree with cynarajane
once again proving the largest sex organ is............. the brain.................
uh, bro............... you may want to invest in some lotion, a towel and rubber gloves.......
I am never having kids. Freakin' eww.
AND YOU WILL HAVE TO FIND SOMEONE NEW TO DREAM OF TOO SINCE JESSICA IS NOT ONLY HAVING ONE BUT TWO BABIES IN JUNE...
Unless she has a C-section.
And hows the had doing these days ? you are gonna be needing it.
OH MY GOD. I COULD HAVE DEALT WITHOUT THE PHOTO OF CHILDBIRTH. *shudders* that shit creeps me out, man.
BWAHhahahahahahahah!!!! That's horrible!! LMFAO I love it... hahahah
Wow! I wouldn't let the wife read this one.You'll be in the dark alright, OUTSIDE.
Well that's mildly depressing, thanks for making me throughly reconsider vaginal birth
Who said I was thinking about him during sex? I sure as hell wasn't! Imagination makes it better for everyone.
Ditto?
@seedsower -
hahaha i have had all c-sections!
I love how the trophy looks like a giant crystal penis. I remember seeing that on SNL a couple years back.
And it's obvious that the man standing with his pants down has a tiny penis. How laughable.
Childbirth doesn't gross/creep me out. Actually, nothing does, with the possible exception of anal stretching.
I have to read it? I just like the pictures..........
Oh shit I just read this post.............you better watch out! And don't worry, blow jobs always work......make sure you tell her that.........
Hahahaha..... AWESOME.
Kiegel exercises my friend...keeps the panoosh tight! I do about 50 a week. You can only do so many at a time or things getting happening down there that you may not want to express in public! Now, since I'm not with the this particular guy anymore, I can only speak of the one time. This was roughly four years after my second daughter's birth. The dude was like, "uh, are you sure you've had kids because your sh*t is tight!" I was very proud of my kiegels after that! TMI? Don't care! That picture was gross!
Now, here's a thing for ya, some of the best sex Miguel and I have ever had was actually during post-partum because my cycle runs heavier the first few months, thus sending more blood to the nether regions, creating more stimulus...ALMOST makes me want to get pregnant again! Almost.
BTW...what the fuck did she do to warrant this rant? LOL!
You're right. You are definitely going to be lonely for a good long while. Just the thing a girl wants to read
hahaha
@ilsurvive -
Meeeeee, either! I'm soooo glad that both of my kids were delivered via c-section and NOT thru the hoo-ha! At 9 lbs, 6 1/2 oz and 11 pounds, 6 oz...I would need a man hung like a FOOTBALL to satisfy me. Lucky for me and my delicate lady parts, no such trauma occurred.
And call me crazy, but I think the girl in the pink top is just as sexy as Jessica Alba.
LOL. If I was your so, I would be engaging in some serious ball busting tonite. By the way, the factory settings for men don't exactly remain static either. Receding hair in the head? Middle aged spread? Increased hair everywhere else? Yeah. Time moves forward for all of us.
ah yes . . . imagination is a good thing . . . kept silent in both, his and her, minds . . . because trust me, that's how we chicks keep the mojo going after the years too . . . after the hair starts falling off of his head and starts growing out of his ears, nose and back . . . after his ass cheeks flap more than goold ol' Glory flapping in the wind . . . after his teeth fall and we can hear whistling from the wind blowing thru the gaps . . . after his pot belly develops to resemble a basketball . . . yup, imagination is a good thing, cuz you know, there are few men who maintain their manly figure after marriage and babies . . . shit, I shudder to think of what they'd look like if they were the ones gestating for 9 months.
C-section.
ryc: One thing about posts that I found out is that if they have good pics, then people might just visit and comment because of the picture. I saw that girl and said "That is gold right there."
ha-HA. now i want to take my good sweet time before i have kids!
Presuming your S/O read this....how'd last night go, Miguel?
@manatee_wannabe -
Ehhh... that's pretty harsh... makes you wonder why people have kids at all.
Man, this is so depressing way to view the male kind. But I believe every word of it.
This was a sexy post.
You'll be sleeping in the dog house for sure. But sorry to hear that you are so small that she has lie to you that it still feels the same for her.
ouch
This post is gold.
I take it Jessica Alba is the product of your imagination =)
RYC: Luckily, I had gotten my copy of OOT during summer vacation so it's not like I had anything better to do with my time. I guess I could have done something productive like volunteering though.
Happy Sunday, Miguel!
I hope the stars were aligned last night!
heh. nice, miguel. good thing i've a few years left in me before things start to go downhill.
Well Miguel I see you're still alive which is well and good, but did you have to find a permanent place on the couch or in the garage to sleep? Or did your SO out of the goodness of her heart forgive your for this post?
ryc: frankly, i thought i was done with it, too. instead, i just deleted all the people subscribed to me and decided to start over.
Ha! And here I thought it was just "our" favorite because I was controlling things more that way.
(yeah, and not having to see him, either)....
I hope the coupon worked!
I agree, without that imagination, giving up is almost an option.
This completely made my day (thus far at least, it's 2PM)!
Destroying my lady-parts with childbirth probably carries the most weight in my want for a c-section. Sure, my hubby can tell me how beautiful I am and whatnot, but I've heard too many stories about post-kid vag to want to put him through that. It's an act of love, right?
Comments are closed.