March 17, 2008
-
A Kick In The Balls Would Have Hurt Me Less, Jessica!
"My grandfather was the only Mexican at his college, the only Hispanic person at work and the only one at the all-white country club. He tried to forget his Mexican roots, because he never wanted his kids to be made to feel different in America. He and my grandmother didn't speak Spanish to their children. Now, as a third-generation American, I feel as if I have finally cut loose."-Jessica Alba
Oh baby, say it isn't so! Please tell me they misquoted you! You were drunk? High? Lacking sleep? Received a recent, violent blow to the head? Or perhaps you were joking? Please???
Seriously, do you want to know why this hurts so bad? Because I'm guilty of it too. Yes, I am ashamed to admit it.
Whenever I accompanied my father to run an errand and heard him "Espeek Eenglich" as other people walked past us laughing or giving us the look...I felt ashamed. Of what? I don't know. I can't understand it these days. But I do recall feeling embarrassed in those days.
Perhaps it was the fact that my father was not the best looking man. Maybe it was because he dressed poorly, and was oblivious to the fact that people laughed at him and his Eenglich. I saw it. I know. I tried to distance myself, as if walking a few steps away was going to conceal the fact that this wetback kid was the obvious offspring of this man butchering the language.
****************************************************************************
Here is one of my Kung Fu flashbacks.......circumstances that would take too long to describe, led me to be confronted by a group of hostile, tattooed hooligans, just seconds away from performing the long lost art of the laying on of hands. They were very intent on teaching this unbeliever of their magical gift...their ability to convert me to their way of thinking.
But I held my ground. Incredulous. Besides, there were five of us. Our five, against their eight were beatable odds. It wasn't unheard of. I looked over my shoulder, behind me...my friends were gone. They left me. They must have gotten scared when they saw the group approaching. But then, I looked to my right...there he was. Cesar. All 105 lbs of him. His 14 year old body shaking as he held his fists up...the only one who stayed back with me despite the futility of such a thing. That act alone placed him in my familia, category. He didn't leave me. He stayed and took his chances. His loyalty to me was unsurpassed.
******************************************************************************
I've always admired Cesar (rest in peace, homie) for that. And yet, the utter disgust I had for my cowardly and soon to be sorry, friends was all that I focused on back then. To say that their cowardice made my stomach turn is an understatement. And yet...that's EXACTLY what I did to my father on more than one occasion. OUCH! That stings.
Hopefully, Jessica, you learn as I did that there is beauty in our culture. There is nothing to feel ashamed about. Be proud of where you came from.
-Miguel
Tupac? Do you have any thoughts on this?
"AMERIKA, AMERIKA, AMERIKKKA
I charge you with the crime of rape, murder, and assault.
For suppressing and punishing my people.
I charge you with robbery~ for robbing me of my history.
I charge you with false imprisonment ~ for keeping me
Trapped in the projects
And the jury finds you guilty on all counts
And you are to serve the consequences of your evil schemes"
Comments (43)
It's hard when people who are supposed to care about you turn their back on you, whether it's to escape from their own beat down, or because they are embarrassed of you.
My god, I really hope she was misquoted....
Otherwise I'ma get my homegirls together and we're gonna beat her ass...after she has the baby, of course.
I have to say that as a child I envied people with a culture and heritage... I hated being pale and pasty... colorless... with no culture to celebrate or people to bond to.
I'm sorry that Jessica feels that way... maybe she mant that she has been able to cut loose from the shame? Not from her heritage... I imagine that being ashamed of who you are is a horrible burden.
Happy St. Patricks day Miguel
I did that on a few occasions when my family embarassed me, my dad in particular, and I feel horrible looking back on it now...
I think it comes with the age though, most people reach an age when those relationships matter more than your image to total strangers
My family only embarrassed me when boys came over, never any other time.
Wow I sure hope she was misquoted. My parents were of the generation that wasnt allowed to speak Spanish so it was lost and not taught to me....I regret that and try to learn as much as I can on my own...I make sure my kids take it in school. I tend to wear my heritage like a chip on my shoulder and remind my kids daily of who they are even though they think they are just "American"
Shame on Jessica
User has whispered to xcholo4u ...
I think most people, regardless of who their parents are, feels embarrassed to be seen with their parents at some point in their life. So, I guess my question is whether it really matters why you're embarrassed to be seen with your parents? I'm not saying it does or doesn't. Maybe it really is worse to be embarrassed because of your parents' English abilities than because they're always calling you their "sweet little handsome (insert name here)." However, I think most people are pretty understanding of the stupid things kids do.
It's too bad Jessica's parents and grandparents weren't prouder of their heritage. To me, it seems hard to blame Jessica for not really identifying with her Mexican ancestry if her grandparents and parents never told her anything about her heritage and instead told her something "Jessica, I hope you can someday be a famous American. Never forget where you came from: the United States." I guess I'm saying that, as a white guy, I don't really see as much wrong with what Jessica said as with how her parents raised her, and it's hard for me to blame her for that.
I can't believe she said that! I have no respect for her now. I was the only Mexican in my high school graduating class that was going to college. but I was proud. She should be proud of her heritage. It is on the backs of her ancestors that she enjoys the opportunities she has now.
I think being embarrassed about your parents may have had something to do with how old you were at the time.
You know I'm a plain ol', non-ethnic, white mutt... I've spent years studying Spanish and speak it fairly regularly (although not very well) with friends and in restaurants and stuff. I think that being around other cultures makes me a better person. I think Americans should be able to speak English, but that's not to the exclusion of whatever culture you come from!!! My Philipina friend shares her language and food with us, but we speak English in conversation. Diversity makes us all better people! I don't have any special culture except what my family has created in this generation! We need to be able to connect to something! As someone with no heritage to really connect to, I beg you, for the sake of future generations, DON'T let your children detach from their heritage!!! It's too special and once it's gone, you can't get it back!
PerezHilton calls her "Jessica"dont call me latina" Alba".. She sucks. And I bet you anything she gives her baby an ethnic name.. You watch.
I can understand trying to "fit in" to avoid persecution. I was amazed at how ignorant many Canadians can be to someone that has an American accent. I took the time to learn the "lingo" so I wouldn't get laughed at, but my home will always be in Milwaukee. You can bring the girl out of the ghetto, but you can't bring the ghetto out of the girl. I'm proud of my roots. Maybe it's a publicity stunt? Ruffle feathers to get in the media? Help promote a movie and she'll say something different in a few months? You know how these celebrities get...
Hmm... I thought the quote meant that she cut loose from the shame, not from her roots. Maybe I read it wrong... but like some people already said, I wonder how she's supposed to connect to her background if her own family didn't teach it to her. Still, there's no excuse for hiding it or being ashamed of who you are.... except for youth and inexperience, I guess. I'm glad you're proud of who you are now.
i've never really been ashamed of my parents on the level of being ashamed of their ethnicity and all that accompanies it.
nope, i've been ashamed of them because they're crazy.
I still say Biggie is way better than Pac, man. I guess it's all a personal preference.
ryc: I've had ideas here and there, but honestly, at the moment, most of the xangans I've been dealing with are too fucking stupid for me to bother. I'll be back soon though.
pac is just sexy. lol. i dunno how big got it in.
ok ok,
so jessica needs some love and some identity time.
most ppl only see her as white anyway. but that's not the point. one needs to be in touch w/ who they are ethnically.
gives us something to think about, be proud of, work to make better.
she too cute not to be givin it up to the genes that made her look good. you feel me?
hmph! i've always been more ashamed of the fact that i am so pale. my friends here call me weddo. 'least i never turn my back on a friend or a fight.
hah. mr. pac sounds like one o' them dern hippies!
I'm not sure what she means. Cut loose from what? A sense of shame over her heritage? Or from her roots?
I understand how you felt, Miguel. I used to be embarrassed at my mother's accent too. Even now I sometimes get frustrated when I try to communicate with her and can't.
I think the confusing part is the "cut loose" part. I mean, if she meant she can cut loose and learn to embrace her heritage, that's good. If she can cut loose from her heritage and NOT be representative of it, that's bad.
My parents were of a similar generation and weren't ever encouraged to speak Spanish. They'd get punished in school for doing so, so when I was born they never ever spoke to me in Spanish. I learned it in high school and lived in Mexico to fully become fluent. So, I think I can relate to her family's situation.
I think that trying to distance yourself from wher you come from culturally is really cowardly, like it or not it is who you are and you make it work for you or you can run from it and try to "pass" which is really dreadful. My mother is Irish and My dad is mexican and I look nothing like my mom to say the least, I guess I should be happy that my dad was a handsome guy, lol.
Growing up with stepfather I missed out on a lot of the good parts of the Mexican cultural experience until I was older and got to spend time with my bio-dad. It did however allow me to understand that you can be part of a culture without being part of the stereotype and there are some bad stereotypes about Mexcian men and sadly some are true, but you don't have to be part of them...The point you are what you make yourself withing the context of your background and "overcoming" it is not always a good goal.
I'd wondered if you had heard this about Ms. Alba when I saw it many moons ago. I wasn't going to mention it, as I know how much you have admired her. Well, let's do hope she matures. We all do eventually, I guess.
Love you, too, Miguel! I am forever the pirate, don't worry.
But she's so easy on the eyes...
My mom is o "German Dutch" her accent is strong and people always think English is not her mother tongue,it is
!!! That is the funny thing. She is 8th generation American.They are some strong roots.I am the first generation to not speak PENNSYLVANIA DUTCH" though.I understand a lot of it and speak some.I wish I knew it better.
*so
And if you heard Obama's speech today, perhaps you felt even more pride in diversity. It's supposed to be what makes this country great. Too bad so many people have forgotten.
i witnessed my father take quite a "beating" -because of the state of his Eenglich - helluva thing to have heritage pride beat out of you by circumstances-- i'm proud to have English be my second language...
You are in our family Miguel...and we've got your back!
good blog. Not 1/2 hour ago I was talking to a chinese co-worker of the same phenomenom of parents allowing their kids to lose the language - sometimes on purpose because to be american is to know only one language (they thought). And here I am, your typical unilingual american (who also had Yiddish and German in my family history - lost), and I have always wanted to speak in code. How could one possibly celebrate that loss? And why did people ever think you couldn't an american with a different cultural heritage? That is American? We all are that.
Most of my friends and the people I know are Hispanic like me, so I don't feel ashamed...
I love your posts btw.
Oh, and my parents didn't teach me Spanish either. I don't worry about it, I just know I need to learn. Plus my friends help me out when I don't understand something/
our girl jessica has done several things for her to lose respect in my eyes, sorry to say. she is still good eye candy thou.
Is your Dad still alive, Miguel?
If so, I'll bet he is still the same way, and I'll bet he is adorable. I think he was smarter than we all were....proud of who he was, and where he came from....oblivious to the looks and the fact that anyone snickered at him. A happy man.
Ya know.....for me, I'll bet it was looked so easy, as an outsider looking in on me, my family, my life.....little blonde haired, spoiled girl, whose dad is a lawyer and the town attorney where we lived....growing up. In my head it wasn't so. I cried daily for the roots that you have and I never did. I was adopted and just somehow.....didn't feel it. I always pined for heritage, and roots.....and where I REALLY came from. I walked around feeling embaressed of the way that my dad treated people....and embaressed that I fell out of the sky (I figure...because I knew I was thrown away unwanted and thats why I was adopted, right?)... I craved the family that you had as a child. Still do.
It would be a stupid thing for her to throw out there and perhaps it was taken out of context - perhaps she said more that was not quoted. Yikes. Most of us have been guilty of being embarassed by our parents - mine used to yell my nickname out the front door for the whole neighborhood to hear. I hated that!!! Now it makes me smile to remember it. Why? Cause I finally understood that their eccentricities made them unique people. I am sure your dad is/was a great man - look at the knowledge and understanding that rubbed off on you! And the pecs don't suck either...
My grandparents were from Ireland, so my dad was the first generation of my family born here. They spoke English, but occasionally spoke Gaelic to each other. I remember being in a store with them on Long Island, and they were talking to each other. I was about eight. A little girl around my age was looking at them, and I remember being uncomfortable. I think it's just a "kid" thing, that we want to fit in, and want our relatives to fit in, too!
Kathi
RYC: Oh swamp ass. That is so sexy. Not really.
RYC: Heh. Why is that?
RYC: Not true! I've snogged with gentlemanly Mexicans.
she's a dimwit.
I am sorry. But is it time that these people moved on:
"I charge you with the crime of rape, murder, and assault.
For suppressing and punishing my people.
I charge you with robbery~ for robbing me of my history.
I charge you with false imprisonment ~ for keeping me
Trapped in the projects"
Every single culture or race in the world has been subjugated to another at one time or another. Most of us move on and don't wallow in self pity or try to take advantage of the fact that the world has gone soft.
If they feel so strongly about being robbed of their history, I suggest they return to their ancestral home and rediscover it.
ryc: The odd thing is, I could apply all of those to like half a dozen people. ORIGINALITY IT IS SO DEAD.
Ahem. Man, I need to get out more.
I have nothing really to compare to your experience as a boy. but... my family has never really been that well off and I lived with my grandmother for many years. She was poor and dressed accordingly. Her manner of dress always embarrassed me, dressed in mix matched clothing of all different colors patterns and textures... I didn't want anyone to know that I was that poor... but it was obvious... and it was obvious that I belonged to her when we were in public. As I got older I started dressing better and more "classy" and feminine. she didn't. Friends would laugh and comment about how "eccentric" my family was.... it was so humiliating.
I think that we all at one point or another want to rebel or pull away from our past or history... because the grass is always greener on the other side, isn't it?
I'm about as American as they come, but even growing up a white, blonde typical California girl I always loved and respected my family's Norwegian and Jewish traditions. Despite all the religious prejudice I've been a victim of as Jew, it's what I was born as, and having something not completely "normal" about myself and my family has always made me feel...well, a little special.
A lot of times people get too caught up in representing their heritage. My cousin in-law's boyfriend is from Mexico, and he's a cool guy for the most part, but he's constantly flipping his accent so he can (as you said ) "Espeek Eenglich," and validates anything his does with, "I can't help it! I'm Mexican!" Not to mention, the first time we met, Judaism came up, he high-fived me and said, "Yeah! Us minorities gotta stick together!" I think it's attitudes like that that really promote racism and/or bashfulness when it comes to heritage.
(PS--Ms. Alba is so bangin' in that picture.)
Comments are closed.