October 29, 2007
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"Why, Yes! I DO Laugh At You, Miguel" - God
It seems that as you get older, the harder it is to lose weight. Not that I am the type of cholo that is worried about my belly or moobs... but I have noticed that my testimony (I'm sure that's what it is) is growing more rapidly these days. And though I don't find that alarming per se, I just think it's another of God's cruel pranks he must giggle at. I mean seriously, as far back as Adam, he's been giving and taking away. Think about that for a minute and you'll see what I mean. Really. As we get closer to the grave we being to lose our hair (though I am blessed with the "curse" of being part Sasquatch or Werewolf), teeth, hearing, vision, in short...all the stuff we didn't have at one time. So he lets us enjoy it for a few years and then he begins to take it all away. That sucks. So what did he take away from me you ask? I wish that I could say that he is slowly taking away all of the unwanted hair from my butt, but sadly, that isn't the case at all. In fact, my nose and ears are becoming my own little garden that requires attention from me almost on a weekly basis. How gross is that??? And the hair on my money maker is thicker than ever....pretty soon I'm sure I'll have to start braiding it. But I'm getting a little off subject with my rant. What I'm noticing is that my metabolism is beginning to suck ass!
My eating habits haven't changed at all...yet the six pack I had in my prime has become a kegger. My pectoral muscles that glistened with baby oil while strutting my stuff on the beach are now beginning to look like a pubescent girl who is in desperate need of a training bra. Oh the horror! Thank God for game...and for women who have the capacity to look beyond the physical appearance!
My main homegirl Lisa recently wrote how she is eating healthy and has lost 25+ pounds. And though it's impressive and I'm proud of her...she has not convinced this old cholo bastard that dieting is the way to go. By the way she looks damn good for being a year older than me! You should check her out...er...I mean, check out her site.
Anyway, though I'm no longer a sexy bitch...and haven't been for 15 years, I do have a plan! That's right! Why diet and exercise when I could just...
Damnit! If Godzilla can do it, so can I! I mean seriously, he's 53 years old and look at him, he looks great. You can't tell me it was all diet and exercise! You don't exercise a new chin into existence, no matter how many push ups you do. Let's be honest, Godzilla got a little work done. And hell, if it's good enough for Godzilla, It's good enough for me.
THOUGHTS????
*******UPDATE************************************
I received a lot of private messages asking me if I was serious about getting some work done. I had to laugh. Of course not! I would never consider doing that. I was trying to be funny. However, as far as getting work done goes, the only thing I'd ever consider doing again, or getting more of is this ===>
If I did have money like that to spend on myself, I'd get rid of some, if not all of my ink.
Comments (43)
But the new Godzilla movie sucked! Fuck Matthew Broderick and his shitty attempts at being a Godzilla character. He shall burn in hell! GHIDORAH FOREVER.
Although Robot Chicken did do a decent spoof of that.
that's a great point, godzilla is looking awesome lately. i hope i look that good at 53! altho i hope my breath isn't quite as nasty as his...
This spring, I lost about 15 lbs by working out like a fiend and living on grapefruit and grilled chicken. And you know what? I still didn't have the perfect body, I felt weak and irritable, and I missed carbs dammit. I gained the weight back over the summer, and you know what else? I don't give a shit. I'm healthy, smart, relatively attractive so here's no reason to beat myself up over superficial shit. Oh, and while men get moobs when they gain weight, women just get teh boobs. So, as your Xanga friend, I tell you to not give a fuck until you can't fit through the door anymore.
It's cheaper to do low carb, my friend.
And thank you for the compliments!! I love you, man boobies, hairy ass, and all!
First she quits smoking,now she is lean and fit....she is amazing!And aren't we glad to have her back!!!
Hey if it makes you happy, go for it. But even plastic surgery takes maintenance as far as I know, unless you plan to make this a yearly event, like a visit to the dentist. Oh and the best way to get rid of unwanted hair: just WAX those suckers off!! Hurts like hell, but then you're smooth as a baby's bum for the next 6 weeks.
I guess it's for whoever is brave enough to go under the knife. Me? Not so much.
keep your chins up bro - moobs - hairy ass - i bet ya still got me beat...
The time it takes to be beautiful takes time away from my kids. I think it's a worthy sacrifice - I'd rather be a parent than pretty. You look more beautiful on the inside. Besides, they go to college eventually and people are living longer. I can't wait to be old!
Cheer up.. everybody gets a softer and saggier than they'd like to be
If you were hot in your heyday then I'm sure you're looking great for your age now. Don't be so hard on yourself, Godzilla was totally airbrushed
try lev11... or just read the maker's diet... i'm cursed with high metabolism, and a family in which i'm the only thin one... of all the diets my desperate housemates have tried, that one seems to work... too bad they were only on it for a week...
It gets worse the older you get. Wait a second, you already know that.
We're latinos . . . cutting carbs out of our daily existence would be like slashing our wrists! I say, get rid of all your mirrors.
as much as i complain about having gained weight -- and the added.. ahem, junk in my trunk -- i'm one of those who's never really cared about how much i weight. granted, that's because i'm somewhat genetically predispositioned to being a tiny, tiny person, but as long as i'm healthy i never quite cared. but then. as i said. i've the benefits of genetics on my side.
haha. great post.
If that's what you want, go for it. Of course do plenty of research. Then go look at the people who had their procedures messed up and decide, if that were to happen to you, could you live with it? After all that, give yourself the green light and go for it.
It's not hard to lose weight; eat less.
I lost twenty pounds, it was fun.
yeah, my metabolism went to hell when my thyroid decided to kill itself....meh. oh well..you deal...though, I have considered some of the similar surgeries that godzilla has gone with...XD
Boo! hehe, Happy Halloween!!
why ya gonna get the ink removed?
As always, wonderful!
Jesus, Godzilla! You're looking hot!
I need to see YOR.
Notice the spikes are getting bigger too.
Personally, I prefer Mothra!
So what's your "money maker", and how do you make money with it?
It used to be that getting rid of your ink left scar tissue which looked worse than the tats. Have they improved the process?
Limb removals but not in surgery? You must have hung around some pretty sadistic sons of bitches Miguel. I wish I could hear some of your stories.
Shave the money maker, Miguel!
How many tattoos do you have?
It happens to us all baby! I work out with a personal trainer and I am slowly getting back what nature was trying to steal. It's hard but it works. I am about to turn 40 and I want to keep looking like I am in my 20's for awhile longer!
I'm curious about the money maker too.???? Just wait until you're as old as I am and find yourself a useless tub of lard.
ryc - thank you and your nether regions! LOL! Happy Friday!
I am curious as to what you mean by your money maker? Your face? Your arse? Do tell!
RYC: I know, I'm healthy...WOOHOO! I'm trying not to get too cocky about it, though...that might jinx it or something. LOL
Thanks my friend...I hope she gets well soon, too
RYC: When I'm intoxicated, I become terribly, terribly giggly and cute. Much like a kitten? I'm actually much nicer intoxicated than I am sober
Hi Miguel,how are you?
I have been schlepping along,trying to get my work done.There is never a moment when I can say"all my work is finished" ...why is that?
It's not so much my metabolism but my lack of it.
I think we should all get together and form the xanga fat club or fit club, take pictures and post our progress, middle age schmiddle age, We should not go quietly into that good night, rage, rage against the folding of the gut.
Or something like that
ryc: LOL, you know, I now think of you every time I don my Sasquatch boots. I just dug them out of the closet the other day...we're expecting some snow Tesday or Wednesday. As for the organ donor stuff...I've gone back and forth on it, but for now I'm a donor. What the hell...I still have a few good parts left, and nobody is going to get them until I'm done using them. I don't like the way they beg, either, but it's not the fault of the people who need the organs (usually). At least that's the way I'm looking at it at the moment. My views about some things are subject to change at any given moment.
*Tuesday - Ha ha! I just invented a new day of the week!
ryc: ROFL! That's my fault, totally! It went over my head. I need more sleep, methinks. Yeah, DAMN THAT MONKEY!
I truly feel retarded now. More than usual.
LOL
But but but...how can you love a retarded woman such as myself?
I remember seeing that at the circus when I was little, too. I have plans saved on my PC about how to make a hurdy gurdy. Pretty interesting, actually. Then all I need is a pet monkey and I'm in business. The only problem I'll have then is everyone will ask if they can pet my monkey, and I'll have to say no, of course.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Time for a nap.
I'm glad to be back.
Lexabitionist is 40! Wow I hope I hold up so well
it not so bad when a guy had a little fat over his muscles, I bet you are still fine, 6 packs are over rated
I wouldn't give a toss about what anyone said. As soon as you stop dieting, you'll just pile on the weight faster than before and you'll get a tonne of stretchmarks (although since you're a man you won't get as many - damn you guys!). As long as your healthy and mobile, you shouldn't worry about these things. A happy normal person will live longer and a more full life than an unhappy diet fanatic that obsesses over their weight and physique.
I want to cheat and have surgery.... it's just the pain and recovery thing. Maybe duct tape to hold it all in, and an amazingly blinding smile so no one can look lower? Hmm. I don't know. You first, and then you can let me know how that workin. HC
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